Three hundred sixty-six days ago I sat alone in Kansas and my husband sat on a plane headed to Afghanistan. (Ok…I’m never really alone with four kids…never.) Seven weeks earlier, movers dumped all of our worldly goods on our doorstep (almost literally) for the 8th time in 11 years. I thrive on organization, schedules, and planning. I do not do well living in the chaos of boxes for more than a few days. In the military there is an unwritten rule that people have to unpack quickly. “Yeah, we normally have boxes gone in 3 days.” “Oh it takes us about 4 days and we have curtains hung and pictures on the wall.” That’s not me. On day NINE, I want to throw one of my boxes at those people. I literally have to unpack every box and find a home for everything. I can’t simply shove a box in a corner of the garage and open it if I need it. When I dropped my husband off, I still came home to a few boxes left to unpack.
After doing this eight times, you would think I would be used to this process. Unpacking, uprooting, starting over. However, strangely enough, I feel like I am a little worse at it each time. I am like a turtle. When chaos approaches or when I feel danger or discomfort coming my way, I retreat into my shell. I don’t go introduce myself to my neighbors, I vow not to be involved in the FRG, I resist volunteering. I routinely tell my husband, “I do not want to make new friends. I just want to gather all of my old ones in one place.” I cope with moving by grasping for what I feel I can control. (I do eventually come around – meet my neighbors, volunteer for pretty much everything, leave my house and rejoin the human race…you get it.)
Maybe your situation isn’t moving, but big changes or turmoil in our life shows our character very quickly. Oh it may look different played out for each of us, but it boils down to one thing – control. We believe the lie of the enemy that we have control. We believe that with enough grit, determination, planning, organizing, anger or denial, we can manage to steer our circumstances with some measure of control. If we eat healthy and workout, we will have the bodies we want and live a long life. If we raise our children in church, they will love the Lord. If we love our spouse, they will love us in return. If we obey, we will not suffer. If we are vulnerable, honest and kind, our friends will not betray us. The enemy veils his lies in such subtle ways that not only do we not see them as lies, but we see them as noble pursuits. Eating healthy, loving others, investing our money wisely or pouring time and effort into disciplining our children are worthy uses of our time. God has certainly called us to follow His Word in all of these areas. The lies creep in when we believe we can control the outcome. If we do A, then B will happen. If we do A, then we are entitled to B.
I just finished a brief study of the book of Job. Poor guy, right? You can’t get past the first verse without seeing that this was a great guy. He checked the boxes. He kept the lists and unlike the Pharisees, his heart was even right while he did it! He was everything that we strife to be. Yet he lost it all and despite what his friends told him, it wasn’t his fault. HE HAD NO CONTROL. He could not have worked his circumstances any differently to change the outcome. Praying more would not have helped. Seeking wise counsel would not have worked. He could not have orchestrated his life in such a way to avoid the affliction that he suffered. It wasn’t even Satan’s idea to persecute him – it was God’s (Job 1:8)!
Why? Why would God suggest persecuting someone who had done everything right? Someone that had sought to follow the Lord? Someone that is described as “perfect and upright.” Oh, we understand the consequences that the fall and sin have had on this world. We know Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble…” We know people suffer. People suffer. Other people. We can even come to grips with our own suffering when it is a result of sin or poor decisions. I don’t struggle with 5 extra pounds on the scale as much when I’ve enjoyed an Oreo milkshake each night after dinner. I struggle with the 5 extra pounds when I have been to the gym, drank nothing but water and watched my husband eat the milkshake. If I did A then B should have happened. Lord if I kept your Word, then this shouldn’t have happened.
The lie the enemy wants us to believe is that we are in control. Fear overwhelms us and grips us because we are grasping for control. We think we had it and that it is slipping away from us. Peace comes when we surrender to the fact that we aren’t in control and truly never were.
Job’s cries to the Lord were not over losing his things, his physical pain or even losing his children. Read Job’s words. The cry of his heart is centered on one thing – why. God, why is this happening? Why am I suffering after how I have lived? I have honored you, so why have you abandoned me? Pouring our souls out before the Lord is commendable. The Psalmist shows us that. Our precious Savior invites us to His feet to cast our burdens on Him. But in the midst of suffering our pondering of the why reveals something in our hearts about what we believe about God. For 37 chapters we see Job and his friends wrestle with the question of why. Chapter 38 opens with these words: “Then the Lord answered Job…” What was Job’s question: God why am I suffering? Saddle up Job, here is your answer. (How often do we wish the Lord would answer our questions in such a bold and physical way?)
Read Job 37-41. Job’s questions are answered with a series of questions that seem to miss the mark until we dig a little deeper.
“Lord, why am I suffering?”
“Where were you when the foundations of the world were laid?”
“But Lord why am I suffering?”
“Can you count the clouds? Can you feed the ravens?”
I imagine Job felt overwhelmed (especially after 38, verse 3 – stand up like a man and give me an answer – yikes!).
Job had believed the subtle lie of the enemy: if you live righteously, then you will not suffer.
God’s response – He overwhelmed Job with how big He is. He is God.
The why questions in our life reveal what we believe about God and His sovereignty. He is God. We are not. He is in control. We are not. Job never knew why he suffered his great affliction. As far as we know, Job was never told about that conversation between God and Satan in chapter 1, but he did get to hear God out of a whirlwind. He got to feel the Lord pursuing his heart in a way he would never have experience if he had not walked through such suffering.
I am just beginning to come out of a fog that had enveloped me since the birth of our son sixteen months ago. In addition to a nine-month deployment, I suffered 24 bouts of mastitis. Despite eating healthy, going to the chiropractor, taking Juice Plus and trying to reduce toxins in my house, my kids and I were sick for over a month – trading the flu and a stomach virus back and forth. Jake wouldn’t sleep at night for most of the deployment. Looking back, I probably struggled with depression during one of the darkest periods of my life. Most days I clawed my way through the day and collapsed on the couch at night. Everything felt hard.
Maybe mastitis and deployments shouldn’t be compared to the suffering of Job. While not on the same scale as Job’s loss, if you have ever been through mastitis, you know the immense physical pain. Multiple rounds brought not only physical but emotional pain. What am I doing wrong? God, why is this happening? You can bring healing – why are you not healing me? Don’t you know I’m alone? Don’t you know my husband is gone? We already sacrifice enough – why me? I did everything I was supposed to do. I implemented every suggestion. I prayed. My husband prayed over me. Elders from our church prayed over me. I followed the rules!! Why?
The Lord’s response to me was the same as it was to Job and the same as it is to you – I am God. Suffering and pain in this life is more clearly understood when we surrender to the fact that He is God and we are not. His ways are not ours and most importantly – the He is good. He is not a bully that throws suffering our way just to watch us writhe. He is a good God and Father that wants the very best for us. He allows trials to shape us into His image. His heart is grieved when the consequences of our sin wrap tentacles of consequence far beyond what we ever imagined.
On more than one occasion during those nine months I would break down in tears over the stress of everything. My girls would reciprocate my tears. I desperately wanted to be the strong person in their life, the rock that they could lean on, but I just couldn’t. So I did the only thing I knew to do – I gathered them in my arms and cried out to the Lord. I pointed them to the true Rock; the only one they could lean on when life crashed around them.
Job’s response to the whirlwind should be a guide for our response, “I know that You can do all things and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted” (42:2). Friends, resting in the hand of the Creator of the universe is our only hope. He is good, no matter what we face. His plans cannot be thwarted no matter how dark the days may seem. He only asks for our trust and obedience. Striving and fighting for control that we never even had will only leave us weary, empty and disappointed. Your situation may not work out. It may crumble, but as believers, our hope does not come from our circumstances. Our hope can only come from knowing our Heavenly Father, knowing His goodness and trusting His plan for our lives.
Lord, may we see with clearer understanding that You alone are in control and that You do not owe us answers. You are supreme and we are dust. We thank you that in all of your majesty and splendor, that you chose to put on flesh and dwell with us – to get in our skin and be close to us. You invite us to cry out to you as our Father and we can trust that you are good. May we understand that peace in the midst of the storm comes not from relief, but from setting our eyes firmly on you.
